Do What You Want
by Hotelwigged
Summary: Jessie must leave the Ross kids to follow her dreams. On the night before she goes though, one of them has something else in store for her...
1. Needing is one thing

Jessie layed awake in her bed that night, the bright lights of New York piling on to her anxiety. Leaving tomorrow was going to be on of the hardest things she was going to have to do.

Out of everyone, it was clear that Luke was going to take it the worst. It wasn't just because he was in love with her, they worked on the understanding on how that would work, it was because it was necessary for him to have a figure like Jessie in his life.

So Jessie sat there, staring out the window, listening to the noise of the city at night, when it was at its most rhythmic.

Finding somewhere to go would be a problem, but a problem she's handled before. She wanted it out of her mind, it only caused her hurt.

She wanted something to eat, as her last bit of food was hours ago. She slipped into a light blue shirt and grey pajama bottoms, before quietly exiting her room.

...

The penthouse was quiet, save for Bertram's obnoxious snoring. Everyone's doors were closed and everyone was sound asleep. Jessie took the trip down the hallway out through the living room and darting right into the kitchen. She turned on one of the many lights, the farthest one that no one would be bothered by. Or at least so she thought, because after she flicked it on she heard a bedroom door open and close, one of Emma's known signs that she was bothered.

Jessie rushed back to her room, ever so quietly, as Emma was tired and had a short temper. Not a good combination. She waited in her room for awhile, until she couldn't hear anyone slashing about, trying to sleep, only the rough snoring.

According to her ears, everyone was asleep and no one to disturb her late night snack and think. She tip toed towards the fridge, extra careful this time to not make any noise. She didn't turn on the lights and avoided any troublesome floorboards. Ever so slightly and quietly, she opened the fridge up. She turned on her attack mode, shuffling through the food as quick as she could in a desperate pursuit to satisfy her hunger.

 _Just what I was looking for_ she thought.

In the end though it wasn't what she wanted, but she would never admit that to herself. Living in an easy lie of midnight leftover Shwarma was much simpler then facing what she would be leaving behind. Especially because she only had to lie to herself.

With a snack in one hand and a _John Green_ novel in the other, she had set up a few worry free hours, where her problems didn't exist and everything always worked out in the end for her.

She had that feeling at least before she saw Luke on the balcony.


	2. But getting's another

It may have been late at night but Luke was wide awake, sitting alone on the balcony, staring out at the city. Jessie grabbed her snack and reached for the door, but hesitated. Whenever she would go check to see how Luke was doing, he was always asleep, and it was usually 9. There had to be a reason, no matter what, that he was sitting out there alone. Luke wasn't an "alone" kind of guy, he loved to be around people. Jessie gave him peace, and instead just sat on the couch and ate.

After she was done, she got up and went to get a robe. After picking out a nice cute one, she went out to see what was going on.

She tried her best to make her presence clear, opening the door loud enough so that he would hear, but quiet enough to not stir the sleeping beast that was Bertram. "Hey luke" she softly said to him. He turned his head around, looked into her eyes, and just turned right back around.

"What're you doing out here at this time?" She asked him sweetly, putting her hand on his shoulder. Luke let out a quiet sigh and just kept staring. Jessie pulled up a chair next to him. "Luke, you gotta talk to me, there's obviously something wrong, you can talk to me..."

"Why are you leaving?" Luke looked over at her and asked. Of course Luke would've been bothered by this the most, him and Jessie always had a special relationship, even though it never got as romantic as he may have wanted. She didn't quite have the answer to Luke's question, but she was going to do her best.

"Well, Luke, New York just wasn't working for me. The only thing I've ever really had here were you guys."

"What about Ton-"

"I never found a healthy relationship, success or anything here really. What's here for me?"

"We are-"

"And of course I love you guys, I just need something new." Luke's face dropped when he said that. She repeated what she said back to herself and only then it clicked through how hurtful it sounded. Luke looked at her, big, wet eyes, and he ran. "Luke, wait!" Jessie called after him.

He darted into the penthouse, straight to the elevator. Jessie was only a few seconds late, and all she saw was a single tear fall down Luke's face as the doors closed.

 _ **Author's Note: Sorry for the short upload, there should be another chapter coming later this afternoon. Thanks for reading though! I hope you're all enjoying it...**_


	3. No one's gonna find ya

It felt like a million years, but the elevator doors finally opened for her. Luke wasn't in there, but of course that was expected. What wasn't expected was where he would end up.

Jessie checked her watch, did some quick math and figured out that he could be two blocks away by the time she would even be on the ground floor. She couldn't lose Luke, not now, not like this.

He always had been her little problem, but she loved him and her leaving should never change that. Luke couldn't have her gone though and Jessie couldn't put her finger on why.

Before she could come to a conclusion, the elevator doors opened and she found herself on the ground floor, in the blitz of a flurry of people. Smoothly, she navigated through some of the hotels more extravagant guests. Fur coats, dogs and diamonds were only some of the things she brushed by before coming face to face with Tony.

"Jessie, we haven't talked-"

"Have you seen Luke?" She cut through his sentence. Tony was right, they had to talk but not now. Jessie had bigger issues going on and Tony would just be another mark on the list.

 _Oh but his eyes are so sad_ she thought to herself. It may not have worked out the first time hit Tony was clear that he was anticipating a second round. Jessie didn't have the heart to tell him where she was going or why, he would react worse than Luke. At least Emma was okay, her and Jessie had grown close over the years but Emma was growing up now, she had accepted change. Ravi and Zuri didn't show they cared much but they were just so mature, they knew how to handle to situation. Bertram was the only one who was really upset at first, now he would have to handle all the responsibilities.

"Jessie, Jessie, JESSIE!" she snapped out of her haze by Tony's sharp shift in tone. "I was trying to say Luke went to central park. Jessie, don't go after him. I think he just needs to be alone right now." Tony gave her a weak smile, he definitely understood what Luke was going through.

Jessie couldn't leave Luke like that though. She told Tony they would talk lever and ran off towards central park


	4. if you're hiding in the dark

Luke wasn't hard to find, he was sitting where Jessie always took the kids, just sitting on a swing. It didn't appear that he was upset, he was just more tired. Slowly, Jessie walked up behind him, the only sound between the two of them was the soft crunch or diet beneath her feet. She tightly wrapped her robe around herself, and took a seat next to Luke.

"You have to talk to me Luke, you just can't run away like that all the time." Luke just looked away from her. She sighed. "Please, just tell me what's going on." She pleaded with him. Luke reached into his bag, pulled something out but decided against it and put it back in.

"Why would you just abandon us like that? Really, I mean, who does that?" Jessie didn't want to be that person in their lives who they remember just for leaving them.

"Jessie, if you're gonna leave you gotta do one thing for me."

"Of course, anything you want." Luke nodded and looked into Jessie's eyes. She started to question what he wanted to do, but Luke just cut her off. He pulled a folded note out of his pocket.

"Okay, we have quite a few things to cover tonight, so we better get moving." Luke got off the swing and Jessie followed close behind. He led them down many streets that she had never been on and there were very few people in sight. Eventually they came to the front of a pizza place.

"What is this place?" Jessie asked aloud. It was small and quiet, with dim lights and a smokiness in the air. Luke led them to the dark corner, a jazz band playing a light tune on the other side of the room.

"I come here to get away from jt sometimes, sometimes it's just too much."

"Luke what do you want to get away from?" Luke didn't answer because at that moment a pretty waitress, around Luke's age came to the table. Luke got up out of his seat and hugged her.

"I didn't think you were gonna show up! We almost didn't make what you requested but I insisted." She said sweetly to him. Jessie sat there in shock. The waitress turned to her.

"I'm sorry! I didn't introduce myself, I'm Sabrina, I'm a waitress here. You must be Jessie, Luke's always talking about you." Jessie blushed slightly.

"Hi Sabrina. Question. How often is Luke here?" Jessie asked in utter disbelief on how little she actually knew about his life. Sabrina chuckled.

"Luke? Luke's practically a nightly customer for three years now. Except on Thursdays and Sundays, he's never here then. I'll be back with your stuff." Sabrina went off and Luke took his seat again. Him and Jessie just silently looked at each other for a few minutes. "Does anyone know about this place?" She asked him.

"No" he dryly said to her. "And I'd like to keep it that way." Jessie made a note to respect these wishes. As long as he gave her the details he wanted.

"Why do you come here Luke?"

"I told you, I want to get away from everything sometimes. Here's a secret Jessie, I don't show how I'm feeling and sometimes I just want to be alone. I'm a very private person, and you're messing that up right now."

"That's not true Luke, I would never do anything to hurt you."

"Then why are you here?"

"You asked me to!"

"When you saw it you should've left." Jessie shook her head and got up to leave but Luke told her to sit down. She opened her mouth to get mad at him but just then Sabrina cane with a pizza, two beers and a pack of cigarettes. Jessie looked on in shock as he opened the box, and lit a cigarette. He offered her one but didn't say anything. "LUKE! You can't smoke! When did you start smoking?!"

"I told you Jessie, you know nothing about me." between the smoking and the drinking and the pizza place, Jessie was beginning to think that this was true.

"What are we going to do tonight Luke?"

"Well first, we're going to eat. After we eat, you'll find out as we go along." Jessie groaned but knew there was nothing she could do about it. Luke called Sabrina over and she sat with them. And they talked. And they ate...

 **A/N:**


	5. Author's Note

**A/N: Sorry for the Long wait for the last update. I've been having some formatting issues but don't worry, a game changing chapter is coming this afternoon. Favourite and review to show your support! Reviews really keep me going, so enjoy!**


	6. Hour 1

**A/N: Thanks for the patience with this chapter. It was a difficult chapter to write and I hope you enjoy it. I do give a warning, this is a pretty dark and violent chapter so read at your own discretion. The story is going to take a different turn now, so please bear with it and if you don't like it, I'll try my best to try something else.**

Emma looked outside her room, she could see nothing below. There were cars and people, but none of it looked right to her. Something was off and it was killing her.

Just an hour ago she had heard people up and about the apartment but the footsteps had died down. She liked it better like that, the silence. It let her think clearer, even though thinking clearer hurt her.

She had one goal in mind tonight, one idea on what she was going to do. It wasn't like she had any other choices, she didn't have anything in her life yet. She hadn't slept for a week, it just didn't come to her anymore. Emma would never share that with anyone ever though. She didn't want to weigh that down onto anybody, they had enough to worry about as it was and she didn't want to to be another one onto their problems.

So she always kept it to herself. She always put on the smile that told everyone she was doing fine, that she was happy as could be. It couldn't be farther from the truth. She was hurting, in her head all she felt was sadness.

The only person who ever saw that in her was Jessie. Jessie had talked to her, tried to pry the feelings out. It was the loses Emma ever got to opening up to anyone. Now she was leaving though, Emma would find herself alone again, with no one to help her.

She got up off her bed and checked the lights under everyone's doors. They were all off. Everyone was sleeping, and Emma was alone.

She felt like she was suffocating, like she was in a bag and the air was running out. There was no way out for her and she only had one option.

Emma grabbed the knife from underneath her bed and she started to cut. Just a little bit at first, almost scratching at her skin. Then it got harder, faster. She made deeper cuts, the blood started to drip down her arms and she felt light, almost bliss.

Even with her open wounds, she managed to grab a note and place it next to her. She slashed, deeper and deeper. Her arms, caked in the deep red substance, felt light. She was letting go, she was ready to leave.

With one long vertical stretch down each of her arms, she was finally at peace.


	7. Hour 1 (Part 2)

"Luke, we have to go back." Jessie said as Luke led her down Broadway. He looked disappointed that she was already done with their adventure, he had so much more planned for their night and Jessie was just going to cut it off like that.

"But Jessie, there's so much more with have to do..." he pleaded with her.

"No, something's up." And Jessie turned around, racing towards the penthouse.

Ravi awoke from his sleep, thirsty as he's ever been. Dragging himself quietly through the hallway, he noticed Emma's light was still on. That was odd, so he went to shut it off...

 **A/N: Sorry for the short and late upload, there will be a lot of chapters uploaded this week, I've just been trying to plot out the story. Don't forget to favourite and review! :)**


	8. The End of The Night

**A/N: I'm back! Sorry for not uploading in something like 8 months but I just lost all inspiration for where this was going. I have a good direction with it now though, so expect frequent uploads!**

Jessie raced through the streets of New York. She had to get back to Emma, she knew that there was something wrong, she knew that she was needed there. _It couldn't have anything to do with me leaving, could it? No it couldn't, of course it couldn't. I'm not a big part of her life, I'm just a blip in it. I don't matter to her._

She may not have thought that she mattered to Emma, but Jessie knew she mattered to Luke. Luke knew how much she mattered to him too. That's why he was left sulking, in the dark, all along. He had one chance to prove to Jessie who he was, that there was so much more to him then she sees. That he was just as mature as her.

She would never know this though. She would be gone tomorrow and all he would have is his siblings. His siblings who didn't even know him that well. He was never at home anymore, he always made sure to be far away, he figured maybe he would be able to better find himself, actually come into his own. That happened, but he couldn't act like it. No one wants to see anyone who's acting different then they always have. It will just look like….an act. Just one big act he would put on for everyone to see.

Luke didn't cry anymore and he didn't want a tear to leave his eye, instead he sat there. Angry…..bitter…...alone….

 _Almost there. Almost. Maybe I'm worrying for nothing, maybe they're all in bed, peacefully dreaming away, without a care in the world for me. I hope that's how it is. I hope they don't care, I hope nothing's wrong. I hope it's all okay._

 _The hotel's just right here. I gotta go faster. I have to get up there. Don't even look at Tony. That'll just distract you, it's useless right now. I gotta stop playing games with him. Stop. Not right now, there's other things to think about now. Why is the elevator taking so long? I just need to get up there right now. Just to put my mind to rest…._

 _What if it's not okay though? What if something did happen?_

 _No it's probably fine._

 _It's probably fine._

Luke had been sitting there for a few hours at that point, sipping on a glass of water. He'd rather be there than anywhere else in the world. Stepping outside would be like admitting defeat at this point. It would be the final nail in the coffin telling him that he missed his chance. So he sat there. He waited and he waited. Customers quickly came and went every few minutes, stopping for little more than a quick bite to eat and getting out of there. It was nearing the end of the night and they were getting ready to close their doors. Luke was still there.

"Can I get you anything else?" a cute, happy voice asked from behind the bar. Luke looked up and saw Sabrina standing there. Her eyes looked tired but her smile said she was as awake as ever. Luke smiled at her, happy that at least someone around him was doing good. "No thanks, I'll just finish this and get outta your hair." Luke replied as he quickly swished his water down. Sabrina thought for a minute.

"Actually" she smiled at him, her eyes telling him it was genuine. "if you wanna stick around a little while longer, I have a little something for you."

"If I'm not too much of a bother…"

"You never will be"

 _Just one more floor. Just one more. It feels like it's been forever. This is killing me. Why is this killing me? Open. Please open. Finally, I thought I'd nev-_

 _Why is he crying?_

The restaurant was just closing up. The owner gave Sabrina the keys to lock up and had left a little while ago. It was just the two of them now. Sabrina peaked her head from the back. "I'm just gonna get changed Luke, then we'll head out."

"Where are we going?" he shouted towards her.

"You'll see."

"Just don't start something you can't

 _Finish. I'm so sorry Miss Prescott, we did everything we could." the paramedic held Jessie as she burst into tears, the other siblings sitting the next room over as Bertram tried to reassure them._

 _Jessie couldn't handle this. It was like she got shot, the rush of emotion that immediately hit her. The guilt, the shame, the anger, the questions._

 _Why'd she do this? What happened? This isn't right, this isn't her time. She wasn't_

ready to go?" Sabrina asked. She emerged from the back, shocking Luke with how gorgeous she looked in a stunning red dress.

"o-o-of ccourse" like said stumbling over his words. She smiled, grabbed his hand and they

 _Left. I have nothing left now….._


	9. Never There

How do you tell a bunch of young sweet kids that their sister is dead? How do you tell them that she cut her wrists because she couldn't bear living with the person she was anymore? How do you do it? How do you deal with it? How will it ever be normal again?

How can you live without her?

Where was Luke?

Jessie left the hospital room, out to the waiting room. All the kids were there with Bertram. They shot up when they saw Jessie. Her face said everything that it needed to. Tears streamed down Zuri's face, Ravi slunk down back into his seat. Bertram went to Jessie to hug her but she just walked away.

She should have been there for them but Jessie just could not. Why not? Why, the person who cared for them most in the world, why was she not there?

Because she was weak.

Jessie just needed air and time to think. She had to think about how Emma was. She wanted to hold onto any memories she had of her. Jessie thought back to the last few months with Emma. Racking her mind for good memories, she realized they had none. Only a few incidents really stuck out for her, not how she wanted to though.

" _Emma where are you going? Don't you want some dinner?"_

" _No, I'm not really hungry. I just feel like going on a walk. I'll be back home in a little bit."_

" _Where are you walking to?"_

" _Why does it matter?"_

That was so out of place for her. Of course she was always lying about where she was going, but she didn't even try to make an excuse that time. It wasn't even that, she seemed sadder all the time. A distant sadness, like she wasn't Emma anymore. She had not been the same person, but Jessie never noticed. Never there to help her.

She could never help her and it was too late now.

 **A/N- Its been so long since I updated, I doubt anyone even still cares about this story. If people are interested, then there will be more chapters today, really hope to get the ball rolling on this one again! Thanks for reading**


End file.
